Weird. Definitely weird.

I leave for my field work in approximately a week and a half. I only have housing arranged at the last locale, and had to buy bear spray for this trip as a just in case, but still necessary, measure for the chance that I meet a bear in the forest. Not too long ago, all of these facts would have led me to FLIP OUT. Tears, sobbing, inability to sleep, gnawing of the stomach, development of nervous ticks, etc.
But while I am currently feeling some trepidation, I remain oddly calm. I can't affix dates of when I'll be certain places, so can't book accommodation yet. But it'll work out. The chances of me encountering a bear are rather small, in part due to me buying one of the more annoying bear bells ever but that's a GOOD thing! Any bears will hear me coming for miles and we will not encounter each other. Or they'll hear the ATV I've been down I'm going to learn how to drive into the bush (there's a real reason to flip out), and make themselves scarce.
Yes there is some nervousness, but its not chronic and its not debilitating. I'd like to say its because I had some sort of major epiphany, moment of zen, etc. but I didn't. Well, I kind of did. When my skin was keeping me in the throes of misery and I was a frequent patron of Google University, with it's vast repository of GROSS pictures, most things I consulted told me that stress was a major part of eczema. 'Stress?' I laughed. 'I'm a grad student, stress is inevitable!'
But while I know that most graduate students are often under stress, I had to recognize that the stress I felt and the way I dealt with it (ignoring until tears erupt or completely breakdown, lather, repeat second, third and fourth years of undergrad) were not healthy. So I took myself in hand and called the school counseling service, and requested an appointment.
I've since been having semi-regular appointments with a rather geeky looking, quite quirky, but insightful psychiatrist who has helped me realize that expecting everything to happen now and be perfect, yet always imagining the worst that could happen, is no way to go through life. I was very nervous about going the first time, and did actually burst into tears, but its a step I'm really glad I took. I wouldn't say its completely changed me, but adjusted my thinking just enough that I can get out of my head and enjoy my life, without expecting an avalanche at any moment.
Maybe one day I'll even manage to not be emotionally affected by contestants being kicked off So You Think You Can Dance before I think its their time. Perhaps I can work on that next week with my therapist, because thanks to my current state of calm, we're kind of running out of things to talk about.... nah, I'm sure I'll find a proper crisis before then. Kidding, really. (Or AM I?)